I don't usually arrange sex via text message
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
