In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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