is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
