he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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