Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
