Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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