OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
