you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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