Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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