i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
