Christians are straight up FREAKS
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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