Pregnant stripper...not hot.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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