mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
