Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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