I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
