he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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