If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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