I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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