at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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