Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
