As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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