i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
