I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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