i already hear my dad disowning me
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize