oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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