While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize
