I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
