we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
