chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Randomize
