Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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