he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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