She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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