Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
