So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
