No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
