Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
