I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
