I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
if only i could text you this smell
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
