We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
