And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
