He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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