so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
