That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
