I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
