There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
