I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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