The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Houston, we have a blender
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
