he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
