booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
