We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
