I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
