You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
