I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
