...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
