Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
