You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
