You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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