If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
