Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
