she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
