My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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