I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You were trust falling into bushes
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
