it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
only you would photoshop your dick
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
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