Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
just tell him i said nine months
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
