I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
