her vagine was all disorganized.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm like, not good at living.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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