so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
