i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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