I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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