I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
