i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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