I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm passing your future prison.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
how drunk are you?
Several
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
