True but thats because hes a fetus.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
