Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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